To Messier Houses in 2017

I think it was J.K. Rowling who, when asked how she managed to write those epic books while raising her young children as a single parent, responded that while she was writing her house was a disaster, her bathrooms unclean and the laundry left to pile up.  She said you can’t do it all, all the time.

When I first heard that truth I “Amen, sister”-ed and mentally high-fived a thousand angels.  And then I probably went back to cleaning my bathroom.

I’ve been home with my four kids full time for eighteen months, since just before the youngest was born.  I stepped down from a part-time role in youth ministry because frankly, having four kids in five years will break you a little.  That and no one wants to watch that many kids for free anymore (not even grandma). 

So I found myself home a lot more.  And suddenly every cabinet and closets and hidden nooks and crannies in my home began screaming for attention.  I noticed all the things I should be attending to that I’d previously been unable to pay attention to when I was working part-time outside of the home. My to-do list had monthly projects like cleaning out every closet and cabinet or finally getting around to organizing all those photo albums.  Once I started paying attention to these projects that could but did not need to be done my lists grew exponentially, multiplying like those proverbial rabbits.

And one day I realized that my house was regularly clean, the laundry was done and put away and the major monthly projects were slowly getting done, but my "career" was non-existent.  There is more order than I could possibly need in my home, but not enough fulfilling, creative work in my life.  And I was filled with more angst and less energy than I’d ever felt during my most chaotic days of being a “working mom.”

Over the past few months I've set about trying to reverse that.  I redesigned my weekly rhythms, building in time for creative work and writing when I am most mentally energized, in the mornings at the beginning of the week.  I reprioritized when and how I get things done.  I tackle my work first, the work that gives me energy and stretches my mental muscles.  I fit in workouts in different pockets than I had done before, in an effort to give my best time to the work.  And I leave cleaning for the end of the week, when I’m pretty mentally fried anyway.  (I’ve also taught my kids to dust and clean bathrooms which has changed my life in immeasurable ways.)  I’ve also reprioritized what needs to get done to keep our house afloat and keep me from going crazy and let go of what could get done but could also just as easily be ignored.  I stopped putting five big “organization/cleaning” projects on my monthly to do list.  I put one on there and don’t stress too much if I never get to it.  This means my photo albums are unfinished and my closets a bit chaotic.  But my soul is singing in a way that it wasn’t before.

I’m writing more and planning other projects.  I’ve engaged in activist work in a way that has connected me freshly to God.  I’m happier in my home because I don’t feel a slave to it, which in turn makes me better to my people who live in that home.  They were simple tweaks, inspired by the realization that all the order and organization in my home would never bring me the joy fulfilling and energizing creative work would.  And the reminder that J.K. Rowling didn’t write those beloved books while also keeping a spotless house.  It’s better for me and my family when our house is a little messier but mama feels a little more whole.

Things That are Saving my Life: September Edition

I’m back with a few things that are saving my life right now.  These are the small, and sometimes big things, that are making my life easier, better, or just a little more awesome.  I got this idea and phrasing from the blog Modern Mrs. Darcy who got it from author Barbara Brown Taylor in her memoir “Leaving Church.”  (Which I read this summer- super good!)  I share in the hopes that you may find a thing or two that could save your life too and also because focusing on a few things that are saving my life right now is good for my soul.

1.) Cleaning out my closet.

My friend Charity came over a few weeks ago to help me tackle my closet.  My closet is a weird combination of clothes I wish would fit me, clothes I bought right after I had babies that are weird fitting, and clothes that I never wear because I don’t know how or what to wear them with. Charity and I went through piece by piece deciding what could stay and what needed to go. I’m going to write a whole other post on what I learned cleaning out my closet, but suffice to say that for now, my closet only contains things I’m actually excited to wear and I have a relatively small list of things I need to buy to “complete” my wardrobe (mostly staples so that I can wear all those items I’m so excited about).  And it’s saving my life.

2.) My Avocado Breakfast

I have been eating the same thing for breakfast for months.  This is noteworthy because I typically never do the same thing everyday.  Monotony like that puts me in a rut faster than Lou says “you’re mean!” when we tell her no.  However, for some reason I can’t stop, won’t stop with this breakfast.  It’s so good.  And simple.  Toast an english muffin.  Spread avocado on each side (I’ll usually use half and avocado, so a quarter on each muffin half).  Grind some sea salt on top of that.  Then fry up two egg whites and put them on top of the avocado mash.  You could absolutely just do one egg (fried or scrambled or however you like) instead of the whites I just don’t care for egg yoke.  It’s the best thing ever and I’m not kidding when I say that I look forward to eating it every night when I’m drifting off to sleep.  If we’re out of eggs or avocados I’m super grumpy about it.  For a few weeks we had Dave’s Killer Bread (which we recently found at Costco- so good!) and I would use a slice of that instead of an english muffin…for variety.  Somedays I’ll add a piece of fruit to that, but either way it fills me up all the way to lunch.  It’s the best.

3.) Not Meal Planning

This was a thing that saved my life all summer, but I can already tell probably won’t be transitioning with me into the fall.  When it comes to meal planning my friends tease me because I rarely make the same recipe twice.  Sure, I have a small handful of staples that make their way through the rotation but mostly I have a file folder stuffed with torn out Cooking Light recipes to try and a million screen shots in my phone of things I’ve stumbled across online and every week I’m trying 2-3 new meals.  However this summer my beloved Cooking Light magazines piled up untouched and I rarely poked through my recipe screenshots.  This summer it was all about the staples, and we pretty much ate the same 7 or 8 meals all summer.  These were meals that I knew off the top of my head.  I could add the ingredients to my grocery list without having to look up a recipe.  It was a lot of tacos, and stir fries, grilled meats and veggies and this pasta/veggie/chicken sausage dish I pretty much made up.  Oh and this toasted cheese, tomato/pineapple/bacon on bread thing that my parents used to make us when I was a kid.  These were dishes that were simple and quick to prepare, which meant that if we wanted to stay a little longer at the pool I didn’t have to worry about getting home to make dinner.  For whatever reason the chaos of summer meant I didn’t have the extra energy to try new recipes each night and cooking all the things I know by heart saved my life.

Last night, however, I spent most of the night sorting through recipes, tossing the ones I never make and starting a fresh pile of “to trys” and this week my meal plan includes three new recipes, so I think my staples season may be over.  But man did it save my life while it lasted.

A Few More Good Books

The reading tear continues!  The library has kept me awash in books and some have been great, others just so-so, but my “Books I Read in 2016” list continues to grow.  Here are the ones worth talking about.  (Also, I'm linking up with Modern Mrs. Darcy this month on her Quick Lit post.  She's given me most of my book recs this year and her blog is fantastic!)

Eleanor and Park by Rainbow Rowell

I flew through the Rainbow Rowell favorites Fan Girl and Carry On, quickly adding this one to my list as it’s one of those “everyone recommends it as a sweet story that won’t change your life, but is a great read nonetheless.”  And that’s exactly what it was.  Super sweet story about two teens who fall in love on the bus rides to school.  One has a troubling home life, the other feels out of place everywhere.  It was an easy read and I found myself not quite ready to leave the characters once I turned the final page.  (Another good Rainbow Rowell read from the past seven weeks: Attachments.  It was pretty predictable, but the characters are endearing and once I got into it I flew through it.)

The Cuckoo’s Calling by Robert Galbraith

This is the first in a detective series by J.K. Rowling (writing under the pseudonym Robert Galbraith).  Rowling spins a great story and her two main characters endear themselves to you pretty quickly.  The mystery in this one was intriguing and though the final “whodunit” had crossed my mind early on, I’d ruled it out because it seemed so unlikely.  But then there it was at the end and I must admit it still surprised me even though I’d half-heartedly predicted it.  I’ll definitely read the rest in this series.

Present over Perfect by Shauna Niequist

I need to read this one again, more slowly.  I devoured it in less than 48 hours and it’s a book that needs a more thoughtful pace.  I want to read it again, sitting with some of the essays.  I have a lot of thoughts about this book-I may write another post on it.  I’m a huge Shauna fangirl and this one is both a departure of her normal style and also more deeply her.  I had some problems with it, but at the same time what she is writing about here is a conversation I’m having over and over with my girlfriends so she’s obviously touched a nerve.  She’s thought provoking and an incredibly talented writer.  I’m eager to hear what others take away from this one.

Truly Madly Guilty by Liane Moriarty

In my last post I’d mentioned that I was looking forward to this one.  The reviews all echo the same refrain: it’s good, but it’s not Moriarty’s best.  I’ve read all her other works, What Alice Forgot being among my most favorite books.  It took me longer that usual to get into this one, but once I did I found it pretty satisfying.  Three families have a bbq, something terrible happens (that isn’t revealed until later) and the rest of the book is them dealing with the consequences. Like all of Moriarty’s books it touches on deeper themes of jealousy, and intimacy and blame.  I strongly identified with one of the characters to an almost uncomfortable point; it was hard to watch some of my own flaws play out so clearly on the page.  Despite its weaknesses, I still really liked the book and will continue to read her stuff as soon as it comes out.

That’s the best of what I’ve read over the last seven weeks.  There are others but none worth mentioning here.  I’m 2/3rds of the way done with The Girls (which I’m liking so far) and Curtis Sittenfield’s Eligible is waiting in the wings.  More next month!

Things that are Saving my Life Right Now...

It’s the little things guys.  Liam has been home from summer school for a week and a half and it’s amazing the shift that adding one more kid to my day can bring.  I mean, it’s just Liam and he’s the easy one!  (Although he is also the kid that lit five matches while I was nursing Rory and then tried to lie about it, so…. there’s that.)  And this shift isn’t even necessarily bad, it’s just a shift.  There are some great things about having him home.  Slower mornings, more time with the kids occupying themselves in the basement and not crawling on me demanding attention, more fun outings because we’re all home and we’ve got a Summer Fun List to tackle.  But it’s that last one that is causing a little strife because I’m getting nothing done.  Which is fine, (again we only have a few real weeks of summer with all the kids home, I shouldn’t complain) but I’ve got to be real intentional about building in some sanity saving things because I’m not getting to the gym nearly as much as I’d like and my quiet afternoons with everyone napping for 3 hours are a thing of the past.  So here are some little things that are saving my life currently.

1.) Setting the coffee maker up the night before and putting it on a timer.  

Waking up to fresh coffee is the best.  I don’t know why I ever stopped doing this.  Just loading the coffee maker the night before makes my mornings better, but that extra step of setting the time so that now, every day at 6 the coffee is ready.  Amazing.

2.) Getting up at 6.

Five Years Ago Colleen would have peed her pants laughing at the idea that getting up at 6am was anything short of terrible (and that is saying something because Five Years Ago Colleen only had one kid and didn’t pee her pants laughing/sneezing/coughing on the regular).  I am not what you would call a morning person.  But that little (or sometimes giant) act of giving myself an hour before the kids get up to read and drink hot coffee while sitting cozy in bed can change my whole day.  For those of you like FYAC who think getting up early is for chumps, the trick for me was waking up but staying in bed.  I hate getting out of my warm bed in the morning and that’s probably the number one thing that prevented me from getting up.  Now, I keep the books I’m reading on my nightstand, slip out for 30 seconds to pour myself a cup of coffee, get back in bed and begin my morning.  It’s seriously the best.  It’s quiet, I’m cozy and I’ve got my coffee.  It feels like I’m at a hotel on vacation every morning (until 7am when the beasts awake).

3.) Running

I’m running again.  Which I really haven’t done with any real vigor in three or four years.  The Hamilton soundtrack is what jumpstarted my running again.  I could listen to that and forget that I was running and wanting to die.  I got used to running with music again so now I’ve branched out to my playlists.  Previously I’d run while listening to audiobooks or podcasts.  I didn’t realize how much having a good beat helped me run.  I feel better when I run while listening to music.  And now that I’m doing that, I’ve stumbled upon the only time in my day when my mind can wander.  I can’t scroll through Facebook or Twitter (which is super depressing these days, ugh election season and TrumpAnxiety) and I’m not focusing on a podcast or audiobook (which is what I’m listening to any other time I’m doing busy work).  It’s a lost art, this mind wandering.  Doing it a few times a week is saving my life. 

4.) The Hamilton Soundtrack

You guys.  I just can’t even with this soundtrack.  You know how the world feels really crazy right now and people, presidential candidates, are saying things that make your skin crawl and you wonder if we’re ever going to make any social progress again?  Listen to the Hamilton soundtrack and renew your faith in humanity.  It’s the smash broadway musical that tells the story of Alexander Hamilton and the founding fathers but instead of being 100% showtuney it’s mostly rap and hiphop.  The show uses only people of color in the roles and it’s amazing to think about this story of our country told with minorities.  To see how the struggle our founding fathers faced is still relevant to so many groups of people today.  And to give the power to tell that story to people who don’t often get to do that.  It’s amazing.  I can’t stop listening to it.  For a while it became an ear worm and I couldn’t get it out of my head but even then I didn’t mind.  It’s so good.  Also, I’m going to see it in November when it comes to Chicago.  I have the worst seats, but I don’t care.

Those are some things that are saving my life right now.  What about you?  How are you surviving summer?