 |
| kids, I tell ya. We were kids. |
Earlier this month Tommy and I celebrated our seventh anniversary. We hadn't had a proper date night in months. My mom and sister took the kids and we set out to drag out our child-free time as long as possible. We started at a pub and toasted my dad over Guinness. Then we walked down the block for sushi and wine. And ended our night with our favorite dessert, vanilla cones from McDonald's. Classy, eh?
In between all those stops we spent the minutes reconnecting. We sat side by side on bar stools and made a list of places in the world we wanted to visit together. We sipped wine and fought over sushi rolls while we rehashed the past week and shared some honest truths. And we teased each other and laughed together while we pulled out of the drive thru. It was good, seven years in, to be able to dream together, to laugh together and share together.
We were married on July 7, 2007 or 07/07/07. I think that made last night our "golden" anniversary? At any rate it seems, within our marriage, that seven is a significant number. Biblically seven is significant for many reasons, one of them being a symbol of completion. It feels true in some ways. Tommy and I are completing a season in our marriage.
The first seven years of our marriage have been about forming our partnership. Tommy and I are both independent to a fault at times and it's taken us a bit longer than most to come together. We spent a lot of time walking our own roads, doing our own thing, side by side- kind of like that parallel play that toddlers do. The past seven years have been about learning to trust each other, practicing the work of turning to each other first and foremost. It doesn't happen overnight. You develop this partnership the same way we settle into sides of the bed. Over time, with lots of fumbles and grace and love and leaps of faith, this person you promised to love forever in front of all your people becomes your person. Before you know it there is only one side of the bed that feels comfortable and one person you look to first. More than ever before this past year as served to cement Tommy and I together. It was a shitty year and more than once I was afraid it would all be too much for him, that the sadness and hardness of my life would only serve to pull us apart. But it didn't. It solidified our partnership and our friendship. I depended on him in ways I never wanted to have to. He came through in ways I would never have expected.
If the past seven years have been about laying our foundations of partnership than I think the next seven are going to be about doing the work of being a partner. We have some dear friends who live in California who have a great marriage. They are a few years ahead of us in this whole marriage/parenting game and Tommy and I have looked to them as a sign of what's to come. (They are currently in that glorious stage of parenting that no longer involves naps, sippy cups, cribs or carrying a giant bag of crap every where you go. When they visited earlier this month I stared longingly at Jen's simple small clutch she was able to carry around the museum while I was loaded down with a diaper bag, stroller and quite literally a baby attached to me in the ergo.) Anyway, what I love about our friends' marriage is that they, better than most, partner with each other in everything. She knows the intricacies of his work life, knows who he's meeting with, or what deals need to be made. He understands fully what her day looks like and finds ways to support her in it. They are a team and they inspire me to be a better team member to Tommy.
Years one through seven have been all about forming the team. Now we're shifting into being the team. I'm excited to support and help and partner with Tommy more in the coming years. What's more, I'm excited to let him do the same for me. This is a huge shift for me. It is my tendency to just keep to myself. Sometimes it feels to vulnerable to let anyone into the work I'm doing, whether it be my writing, or my paid job, or even the friend, sister, mother work I do. But lately I've started opening that work up to Tommy. It's nice to have a partner I trust enough with the vulnerable, incomplete pieces of my life.
So these days I'm leaning into him more and more, dreaming big dreams for us and trusting that we'll work together to make them happen. It's a good season we are entering. I can feel it.
