Mini Me

First day of school.  She picked her own outfit and would not be persuaded.  Of course.

When Monster was born everyone commented on how much he looked like his dad.  It went beyond that, though.  Even from birth Monster seemed to show an alarming array of his dad’s quirks.  He was Tommy, in baby form.  And more than that, Tommy got him in a way that I just didn’t.  Long before Monster could communicate any of his needs or desires Tommy seemed to understand what the problem was: too tight shoes, too warm temperatures, frustrations in his playing.  Tommy understood Monster in a way that made me feel like the third wheel on a really good date: unnecessary.

I hated it and at times felt insecure by it.  How could he understand him so well when I was the one who spent the majority of my day with him?  What was it about their connection?  It baffled me.

Until Toots came a long. 

Suddenly I had my own mini-me.  I got her.  Understood what bugged her or how she wanted things.  Intuitively knew what clothing she would prefer to wear and how she’d like to play.  Because she is ridiculously like me.

I realize this anew constantly.  My girlfriends and I laughed at the way she turned her nose up at the Morton Arboretum’s children area.  The Morton Arboretum boasts 1700 acres of natural woodlands and wildlife and its children’s area is designed to feel like you’re right in the heart of nature.  It has streams to play in, playgrounds with climbing structures that look like trees amidst a woodchip floor.  Girlfriend wanted nothing to do with all that outdoors crap.  While her friends ran around the stream and played in the woodchips she stuck close to mama and kept asking to get back in the stroller.

I noticed her mini-me-ness again as I watched her charm her uncle in town for a visit.  She teased and flirted and played him all morning until he was helpless to say no to her.  I had flashbacks of wining favor with the grumpy hostel worker in Paris who seemed to hate everyone but me.  Soon after I discovered one of my top five StrengthsFinder strengths was WOO (Winning Others Over).  This girl’s got WOO too.

I am keenly aware of the different kind of responsibility in raising a mini-me.  She has many of my strengths and, unfortunately, many of my weaknesses.  I am tempted to over-correct those things about her that I am constantly trying to correct in myself.  I can easily assume the worst about her in the same ways I assume the worst about myself.  There are things about her personality that are adorable now, but I worry could spin out of control.  I’m always thinking ten steps ahead of the game with her.

I know that I will want to be hard on her for these things.  I fear for her high school years.  There are a few ways I played out my adolescent dramas that still make me cringe, ten plus years later.  There are mistakes I made, ways I wish I’d done things differently and I know that when I see her making those same mistakes it will be difficult to let her repeat my history. 

But how unfair not to let her write her own story, even if parts parallel mine in unfortunate ways.  And at age two she is already starting to write her own story.

Parenting a mini me is harder than I thought it would be when I was so jealous of Tommy’s understanding of Monster.  While I may get her a little more acutely I also get her a little more acutely.  And with that comes a great responsibility.

So I’m trying to take a step back and give her space to be the person God created her to be.  Because God did not create her exactly like me.  And even if he did she still has her own story to write. 

I think it will be a good one.