I have a group of girlfriends I became close to when we all lived in New York City. These women are tremendous people, and truly great friends. And what is so wonderful and comforting about these friendships is that despite the fact that we all live in different cities, rarely ever connect on the phone, and only see each other but once a year, no matter what these friendships pick right up where they left off. We keep up with the basics via facebook and email and leave the heart stuff to when we get to be together. And when we do, there's no awkwardness, not need to re-enter the friendship slowly, like you would get into a very cold pool, one toe at a time. We can dive in head first and laugh and share and go deep immediately.
Wouldn't it be great if God were like that long-distance friend who you don't see very often, and only speak to like, once a month, but whenever you do the two of you just pick up right where you left off? Wouldn't it be so sweet if you could check God's facebook page while you're killing time at work to get a sense of what's going on in His world, knowing that he can do the same for you, and then go about your day, looking forward to when you next get to connect with Him, but not feeling overly burdened to call him as soon as you leave work. Wouldn't that be an easy relationship with God to maintain? I've noticed that I've lived most of my life with God trying to make my relationship with him like this. It's an endless cycle of trying to connect with Him briefly once a week or so and being so frustrated that I don't have a close, life-giving relationship with Him. Being frustrated that I always feel like I don't know Him like others know Him, that I don't connect to Him in the ways that I want. And yet my well intentioned time set aside to be with God always seems to be snatched away by laundry and coffee dates with friends and Bravo TV.
I was struck by a thought today that my relationship with God is meant to look more like a marriage than a long-distance friendship. I've only been married for 2 years, so I can't claim to be an expert on marriage, but I thought about what my relationship with my husband Tommy would look like if I treated him like a long distance friend. If I only talked to him every couple of weeks to catch each other up on the ins and outs of each others lives, our relationship would fall apart- there wouldn't be a relationship. If I only saw him once a year, but when we did get together it was just as fun as the last time, it still wouldn't be a relationship. Besides the obvious reasons (physical intimacy would be pretty hard if I only saw him once a year), there were a million reasons why our relationship would fall apart if I connected with him they way I try to connect with God. I talk to Tommy a couple of times a day. We spend most evenings at least together. And if it's been a while since we really spent intentional time connecting, talking, being with one another, we set aside time to go out on a date and we stick to it. And beyond the connecting part, my relationship with Tommy is something I talk about with others. When things are going well, I brag about him: how much I love him, how awesome he is, why being married is the best thing ever (and other annoyingly lovey dovey things that make others nauseous). When things are tough, I talk about it too- sometimes almost obsessively. When we aren't connecting I work at it- we talk about what's wrong and we (ok sometimes just me) are relentless (sometimes to the point of aggravation) in fixing what's wrong and reconnecting. In short, we work at our relationship.
And yet, I don't work that hard with God. I expect myself to be able to just come in and out of His presence on my terms, whenever I want/need, and like a long distance friend, He's supposed to just take it. But God hasn't created our relationship to thrive under these conditions. And so the cycle continues. Just as soon as I've gotten into a good rhythm with God, one where I'm connecting myself to the vine regularly and feeling the fruit of that connection, I let life get in the way and days go by without even a thought or prayer (besides a please, please, please don't let me get a parking ticket for illegally parking my car in this spot for the next hour). And then, once I'm ready to connect again I find it clumsy. I don't know what to say, I'm distracted, and I almost don't want to connect back to the presence of God.
A few weeks ago Tommy went on a missions trip with the students at his church. For various reasons I could not go either. This week long trip was jam packed with events, work and time where he had to be with the kids. As a result our only contact were 3 minute exhausted conversations at the end of each day (literally 3 minutes- I obsessively checked my cell phone at the end of each conversation). What struck me about all of this were the broad spectrum of emotions that swirled through me on the day he was to return. At the core I was excited- I had missed him a ton and couldn't wait to see him again. But I was also dreading it on some level. When Tommy did finally walk through the door I found myself awkwardly bouncing back and forth between giddy excitement and an inability to know how to act around him, what to say to him and how to connect to him. And this was only after he had been gone for a week!
And I wonder why I am clumsy about spending time with God after I've been away for a while. What I know for sure is that God is God- he loves me the same if I spend every second of every minute of every hour basking in his love and presence or if I go weeks without so much as a begging plea for the stain on my shirt to come out. But I am human, and I cannot expect to be able to pretend a marriage relationship with God can be maintained like that of a long distance friend. I can't do it. I wasn't created to relate to God that way and trying to do so stunts what should be the most vibrant, thrilling, life-giving, beautiful, passionate, adventurous relationship of my life.
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