The Screaming Silence

So, this marks my entry into the world of bloggers. I've always been intrigued by blogs but also a bit resistant. I think I worried that I would end up using the blog as a justification of sorts for my existence- a way to somehow subtly brag to my friends and family about how exciting and cool my life is (or more accurately to attempt to prove that my life is exciting and cool--which it isn't). But recently I've begun to rethink this position. I spend much of my day with a crazy hamster brain; I have a load of thoughts swirling around without a place to rest. And I have a wild dream to one day write and well, this seems as good a place as any to rest my crazy brain and practice the craft. Even if no one reads this, it feels a little more official than my journal. So, here I am, barefoot without a cause.

What sparked the whole "let's start a blog" idea was an image that was keeping me up one night. An image I had a hard time reconciling in myself. I drive back and forth on Roosevelt road many times a week. On this road there is a women's health clinic. I have been driving this road for years- most of my life- and I never really noticed this clinic before. I would never have even known what this clinic even did. But then, the billboard showed up. Right across the street from the clinic a "right to life" billboard was put up detailing when a fetus has a heartbeat and can feel pain. It reminded me of the anti-puppy mill billboard that went in right across from the puppy store- it wasn't like the billboard had a huge arrow pointing towards the puppy store exclaiming, "This place tortures cute, innocent puppies and then makes them eat their own poo- don't buy one here!" but it wasn't hard to make the connection either. The same was true at the clinic. Then the "pray-ers" showed up. The "pray-ers" are a group of people who stand outside the clinic praying. It is a silent protest. Instead of angry signs they carry rosaries; instead of angry shouts they let their silence scream. And there is something I respect about that. It is less judgemental than the signs and screaming. I can hope and choose to believe that the pray-ers are praying for the women in the clinic, prayers that extend beyond just a change of decision, but prayers for after the decision is made. Prayers for support during the pregnancy, for a safe and loving home for the baby. And yet, something still doesn't feel quite right about it. While the words of judgement are not spoken out loud, the silence still conveys the message. It is intimidating and menacing. There is nothing in the pray-ers' protest that identifies with the difficult decision the women at the clinic are making. And there is nothing that gives them any hope for the future. And, truth be told, I don't really believe that the pray-ers' prayers are as loving and considerate as I'd hope for. Some small part of me thinks they are probably asking God to bring down a harsh and painful death to anyone who walks through the doors of that clinic- after the innocent baby is born first of course.

I think what bothers me about the pray-ers, and the whole pro-life/pro-choice argument in general, is that it feels like a colossal waste of energy. The silent protesting, and the loud proclamations that all Christians must vote pro-life if they want God to love them and consider them followers feels like the easy way out. It is easy to give up your Saturday and stand in judgement of a woman and her decision; it is much more difficult to walk along side them during their pregnancy, attend every doctor's appointment, answer the phone in the middle of the night when she's freaking out about the pains she's experiencing, and then help her raise the child for the next 18+ years. It is easy to preach from the pulpit on Sunday morning that Jesus wants you to cast your vote with whatever candidate promises to outlaw abortion and that you're not really a Christian if you don't; it is much more difficult to take in a foster care child, to love him through the emotional scars he will bare from the abuse he has experienced in the system, and to continue to stand by her through her rebellion and attempts to push you away. I am not saying that I think abortion is the solution- I just don't think making abortion illegal is the solution. I am not pro-abortion. I don't recommend it as a solution and I think it breaks God's heart. But I also think the systems we have in place to take care of unwanted children also breaks God's heart. I think the judgement our churches cast on single pregnant women breaks His heart.

I think we lose sight of the real problem when we get caught up in the titles of pro-life and pro-choice and the battle of making it legal or illegal. Frankly, I think we are focusing on the wrong problem. Whether or not it is legal, there is still a reason women see this as the only or best option. We have a foster care system where children are abused, neglected and abandoned. We have an adoption system that makes it impossible for well meaning people to adopt. And we've created churches that are too busy condemning to help. My friend from Oklahoma told me something crazy the other day. If every church in Oklahoma were to take in a foster care child, there would be no need for foster care. The Bible says true faith is taking care of widows and orphans. I wonder what would happen if followers of Christ, the "pray-ers" and right-wing screamers took the energy they spend trying to convince the world that they are right, the energy they spend standing outside of clinics trying to persuade someone to change her mind and spent that energy taking care of the orphans. Lovingly raising the children whose biological parents could not raise themselves. If every church raised money to support one family who chooses to bring in a foster care child, what would happen to the foster care system? Might that have a greater effect on the number of abortions performed each year than the fighting and judging? But that is the harder route- one that I'm not even sure I'm ready for yet. But which is better- to silently wrestle with God while doing nothing, or to choose the easy route in the absence of doing nothing?