That Girl

At least once I day I find myself shaking my head, smiling bemusedly and thinking, that girl.

Sometimes there is a bit of exasperation in this statement.  When we were in the throws of potty training earlier this month and I realized that she was very intentionally peeing on me, for example. 

Potty training essentials: batman underwear, 7 necklaces and princess slippers.

But there is always a chuckle or full belly laugh accompanying this thought too.

Toots turns two today.  She continues to take my breath away with her very “her-ness.”

She is a character.  A personality.  An entertainer.  A light.

She is feisty and spirited, silly and unencumbered.  She loves music, Katy Perry is her favorite.  She can sing along with “Let It Go” and “The Wheels on the Bus” and “Happy Birthday.”  She chatters constantly, carrying on conversations with whoever will entertain her and herself when no one will.  She knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to ask for it.

Typical behavior- everyone else is engrossed in the movie and she is hamming it up for the camera.

Oh, and she is joy personified.  One of her favorite songs is “You are my Sunshine” and I sing it to her wholeheartedly, truth in every word.  There is just something about her that lights up a room and makes you laugh.  You can’t help but smile in her presence.  After my dad died for weeks she was the only one who could bring any amount of light into my mom’s face.

taking time out very seriously, obviously

She takes up space.  And makes no apologies for it.  It’s one of my favorite things about her.  Physically she sprawls out wherever she is.  On your lap, on the floor, in the brown leather chair that is her favorite TV watching spot.  Instead of sitting up contained and defined she spreads her whole body out covering every square inch she’s been given.  And it’s not just with her body that she takes up space.  In a nebulous way I can’t quite describe I watch my daughter fill a room with her presence, naturally and unaware that there is any other way of being.

As a woman I’ve often felt like life has taught me to stay contained.  Don’t ask for too much, stay within defined boundaries, take less than you need, deny yourself always for the sake of others.  There are valuable things about living with selfless regard to others to be sure.  But when I watch my daughter take up all the space she’s been given I have an overwhelming urge to preserve that in her.  To protect this natural instinct from the barrage of voices that will tell her to stay small.  I want her to continue to fill her space, and learn to respect others’ at the same time.  To live fully into whom God created her to be while also giving room for others to do the same.  Mostly though I don't want her to ever lose her unapologetic way of being fully Toots.

Somehow I can’t believe that my baby is two and also can’t believe that she’s only been in our lives for two years.  And on this, her second birthday my prayer for her remains largely the same.  I pray that her identity would be rooted in the truth that she is loved so deeply by the God who perfectly made her.  And I pray that she would appreciate that everyone else is loved that way too.  I pray that she would have the quiet strength of knowing who she is without needing to please anyone or prove it either.  And I pray that our relationship would grow stronger each year, that I would love her exactly as she is and give her all the space to be just that.

Happy Birthday Toots.  We love you so much!