Our Priviledge

* let me apologize upfront.  this one is wordy.

I need you to know something about me before I dive in today.  I need you to know that I have always had a heart for social justice.  My favorite units in elementary school had to do with the civil rights era.  In high school, before I was a Christian, and before gay rights was talked about in the Christian circles I went toe to toe in a classroom debate against another (Christian) student arguing for gay rights, knowing in my heart that there was something so wrong about mistreating, slandering and maligning in the name of Christ.  My first jobs were teaching English in inner city high schools and I am still passionate about education reform and the fact that the poorest of the poor should not be denied a proper education.  As a youth pastor I revisit the themes surrounding God’s heart for justice again and again with my students, challenging them to find where God may be calling them out to bring heaven to earth for those that are oppressed or hopeless.  I geek out over new fair trade products and could give you a list of companies that are selling ethically made products or providing real, sustainable jobs to women in third world countries. I wrestle with my privilege and mourn the absence of that privilege for others.  I do not think your whole life, and all of its advantages, should be determined simply by whether you were born in the ghetto or the suburbs.

I need you to know this about me, not because I want you to think I’m awesome.  (I’m totally, assuredly not).  I say this not to shame you into taking up the cause of social justice (though I would passionately and fully encourage and support you if you decided to).  I need you to know this about me so that you don’t think me awful when I get to the next part.  And so that you can understand the conflict in my heart. 

Big breath in…

So Monster is almost three.  For the past year he has been going to a special, private school for children with hearing loss.  A school we love and one that has helped him so much.  

As any mother of a kid with special needs knows three is a very important age.  At three children age out of the state run early intervention program and their care and services are turned over to the city, and its school district, in which you live.   These cities vary on the kinds of services they will provide and where they will provide them.  Typically, richer school districts will provide whatever the parent asks for without much of a hassle.  Other districts are notoriously stingy about providing services and can require parents to jump through many hoops, only to recommend the barest of minimum services at the final IEP meeting (IEP- individualized education plan or the sheet of paper that determines by law what services the school district has to pay for).

We live in one of the latter districts.  My parents live in one of the former.  (Keep that in mind.  It will become important in a minute.)

So, over the course of the next few months our family will have numerous meetings and school tours and sit downs to determine exactly what services our school district will provide for us.

(Are you still with me?  I’m sorry.  I know this is a lot.)

 Our desire is for our son to move to the full time pre-school program at the private school that he has been attending.  We’ve seen this school, the kids that come out of it and the amazing teachers that work there.  It is awesome.  Amazing.  Phenomenal.  We know that this is the best place for Monster to be if he is going to successfully mainstream into regular elementary school.

Our district has never sent a kid to this private school.  They rarely send kids to any group therapy school, opting instead to recommend an hour of therapy a week instead.  But when they do agree to send a child to school it is always a public school for kids with hearing loss in a town near by.  They will likely not send Monster to the private school (that is if they even recommend a group therapy program at all) because they do not want to set the precedent of sending a student to a private school.  (Even though it costs the same amount to attend either school.)

Both private and public schools are fine.  The public school takes students that have other, more significant needs than just hearing loss (autism, downs syndrome, mental and physical delays, etc.).  The private school focuses on high functioning kids with hearing loss who plan to be mainstreamed with no additional support besides their speech and hearing services.  The public school doesn’t have as great of a reputation as the private school.  And, in the words of our hearing therapist, “it usually breaks down to this: the rich kids go to the private school and the poor kids go to the public one.”

Because the rich kids can and do move to rich districts who have no problem sending kids to private schools.

Which is what we can do.  If they won’t send Monster to the private school we could rent out our house and move in with my parents who live in a district that has sent numerous kids to the school of our choice.

And here is where my wrestling begins.  Because my social justice heart screams this isn’t fair.  Why should poor kids go to a school that’s considered less than?  Am I a hypocrite for participating in this system?  Why is this public school not “good enough” for my kid?  Am I awful for wanting my kid to go to the school that has the highest functioning kids?  Do I think my kid is better than them? 

But my mom heart knows that my son, who has been given a tougher hand than a lot of kids, will have the greatest chance of success at the private school.  He will be challenged more, grow more and succeed more.  It is a better place for him.  And I can do something about it.  I can change our situation so that he can have the best.

But my heart breaks for the other mothers who can’t do that.  Who are unable to work the broken system.  Who are so bogged down with other fears, worries and concerns that they don’t have time to research, and move and change their hand.  Who love their kids as much as I do but aren’t in the position to do what I can for my son.

So what do I do?  Send my kid to the public school in an act of solidarity and hope for the best?  Move to a district that allows him to go to the private one and live with the tension it creates?

What do you do when your ideals come in direct conflict of the reality for your kids?  Is wanting the best for my kid selfish?  Where is the line between hypocrisy and doing what you have to do? 

What do I do?