My Tribe

I was the first of most of my friends to have a baby.  Forging the way to motherhood had its difficult moments, but all in all was not really that bad.  I did, however, struggle with the whole “mom friends” thing.  Those of you with small children know that you need people, other adults, to hang out with during the day or else your brain will turn to mush and you will pounce on your poor introverted husband the second he walks in the door to talk all about what that crazy monkey did today on Curious George.  Poor introverted husband just wants a few moments to decompress, but as he’s the first adult you’ve had contact with all day, that’s not happening, amiright?  Enter the mom friend.  Someone you can walk to the park with and talk about real grown up ideas and not feel bad about the saggy diaper your kid is sporting.

The problem was I already had really great friends who just weren’t moms yet. My wonderful, compassionate, hilarious friends weren’t accessible during the day, as they had jobs to go to and non-yoga inspired clothes to wear, but they were amazing friends, nonetheless.  It seemed sort of silly to try to make a whole bunch of new friends, particularly when the only thing we had in common were little tyrants that now accompanied us everywhere.  I hated trying to force connection based on similar life stages so I decided to just wait it out.  Eventually at least some of my friends would have babies too and I’d finally have some adults to hang with during the day.  The only real friendship that came out of this waiting period was Kate who lived two doors down.  Both of our kiddos are born weeks apart and she doesn’t really feel like a mom friend because we would have been friends whether or not kids were in the picture.  It just so happened that we came across each other pushing newborns all around town in an attempt to keep our sanity.  We would continue to provide sanity saving comfort to each other for the next few years until we both moved off the street that made us neighbors.  

At any rate I am finding myself in the glorious stage of life where some of my friends have now become moms.  And we live close to each other.  For the past year or so, I’ve had a few mom friends in particular with whom I’ve been doing life.  It’s amazing, this mom friendship thing.  We know each other’s schedules.  We plan outings to help break up the monotony of the week.  We understand the monotony of the week!  We understand how a day with a small child can be so insanely, whiplash inducing crazy, while also being so incredibly, mind-numbingly boring.

I got into the car after an outing with these friends and our kids feeling full to bursting.  We had spent the morning catching up and sharing hearts all while continuing to do the parenting thing.  And, as we’ve all grown particularly close over the last year of doing life together, our kids were all interchangeable.  One friend pushes mine in the stroller, I help her kid go potty, we all dole out lunches and sippy cups and snacks.  She makes sure mine doesn’t run into the street, I watch hers while she pees.

I love that we take care of each other’s kids.  That their kids feel like my kids.  I love that it doesn’t matter who’s watching whom- I know it’s covered.  Our kids look forward to seeing each other, squealing with delight upon sight.  They feel comfortable with not just each other, but with all the adults.  These are familiar faces they know and love.  These are safe people they see every week.  It feels like a tribe, these friendships.  Like we’re all raising our kids together, that we’re invested in the lives of all these little ones, not just the ones we birthed.

My tribe will only grow from here, as I have many more friends not quite ready for kids yet, and many future babes to know and love.  I’m thankful for it all, but particularly for this sweet season of doing it day in and day out with women whom I knew and loved before kids and know and love even more now as mothers.